I wish I could say ‘Back in my day..’ to show the moral standard of politicians decline, but ‘my day’ really consists of a war in Afghanistan, a war against Al Qaeda, a war in Yemen, the 2008 recession and a Bush and Obama administration. That was really my morning. Trump, Coronavirus, and what in the future I guess will be known as ‘The Ukranian Crisis’ (if the best scenario comes to fruition) will be my afternoon. It’s not even a dog day, just a brief movement of the hands on a Doomsday Clock.
But they last forever. And so do the news stories about whatever political scandal follows whatever sick, balding, sorry bastard has happened to tumble into. They can tumble into getting their mates good business, tumble into using a racial slur, tumble into someone else’s wife, or tumble into having a good old garden party with the gang while everyone else resumes their life of monotony as oriented and demanded by these very people. Cheese and wine for them, cotton swobs down your throat for us. Not a surprise they all got it, is it?
Conservatives breaking the rules was never new. Neil Ferguson, an advisor who was partly responsible for the lockdowns, found no problem carrying on his affair during lockdown; Dominic Cummings took his wife and child on a collision course of death in his car to ‘test his eyesight’; and now we know of course Conservatives knowingly broke the rules, mocked the rules, and just about fucked the rest of us off. I hate to be emotive, but I’d be rather annoyed if I watched my nan die in hospital through the screen of my tablet while they enjoyed aged cheese with a slither of caviar, a comfortably filled glass of red, and a chip on their shoulder large enough to anchor them down in a storm. And you know, they never get away with it. Not with the — Let me look at my list of phrases — Meddling kids that always get in the way of their moderate buffoonery, their mild tomfoolery and their reasonable poppycock.
Perhaps they deserve it! They worked so hard keeping us safe, keeping us inside..They did a bloody good job letting a handful of people attend a loved one’s funeral, and they did a bloody good job of pretty much digitising death (I think Bill Gates might stand in awe at that prospect), why shouldn’t they have a break? Don’t be such a miserable Margie, you! You don’t understand the pressure! But, really, the NHS nurses did. They got a measly rise in wages, 3%. Practically the slummy left over which I find in my pocket after a night in town.
Whatever kind of excuse there was for the politicians, and the word ‘was’ is very important here, seems to have vanished within thin air. You can’t really back up things such as: ‘I see we’re all here obeying regulations, aren’t we, this party is not going to be investigated by the police in a year’s time..’. Okay, perhaps that requires a bit of context. Jacob Rees Mogg said this to a room full of crowded, obviously not socially distanced people. You should be offended by this if you are a healthcare worker, a royalist, an all-about good citizen and even as a government bootlicker. They didn’t find any need to follow the rules, they didn’t think that the emails they sent in correspondence could be leaked (which they were), they didn't think anybody in that room with Mogg at the podium was recording (which they were), and they didn’t think that anybody would rat (which they did). The astounding amount of ignorance is baffling. Did they, genuinely, think that they were to get away with this amount of bullshitting?
The parties were first leaked due to an anonymous source who sent videos of these parties happening, therefore crumbling down every sort of denial the Tories could make. When I say it was like dominoes then on, it truly was. A controlled explosion of an institution of lies. Birthday parties, parties on the day before Prince Philip’s funeral, Christmas get-togethers and back-garden do’s stuck the Tories in the mud, and the popularity for them has likely never been lower. Perhaps after ten years of Tory rule, we might just get a refreshing taste of red. I’m not one to tell you what you want, but I’ll be damned if I don’t think that we’ve had enough of double-dealing, pig-loving toffs who time and time again find themselves able to believe their own lies and spew even more vile ones to the public. So, how did they get away with these parties? Because continually, crisis after crisis, we continue voting for them. After each time we’re mugged off their popularity dips or plummets, but they’re somehow redeemed by the fact they aren’t looney-bin lefties or absolutely intolerable liberals. People keep seeing them as the lesser evil, but the moment we realise that the Tories use that to slip through all of their little evils, their corruption through the nooks and crannies, their hypocrisy through the hands of their old school chums and bureaucratic trolls, the quicker we find that the ‘lesser evil’ is perhaps just a lure; a lure and a mean trick. When I can say back in my day, my day will have been filled with the deceptions and malice that plague the government today.
